2010

   The teenies are here, and while I'm sure I will enjoy them, today is not a day I'm having a blast.  In fact, I wish that midnight would soon come so that we can get back to the humdrum of life, and stop holding up one day as the First Day of the rest of our lives.

   Perhaps if I was in the motherland, I would be having a different attitude.  And maybe that is the reason why I'm feeling down today because I kind of hoped that I would be there today, finally with my family after many years abroad.  But I'm still here. 

   Sometimes, I wonder if there is any point in doing the right thing; I know the right thing would be to go back, but I'm talking about the next best right thing, i.e. not working, or claiming benefits, or abusing the NHS (it is a good job I'm not a sickling!) or doing any of those things illegal immigrants are accused of doing.  The reason why I wonder that is because I have a project that I need to get off the ground, but which I can't because of lack of funds.  But the Husband tells me to be patient, and not do anything rash, i.e. work.  We don't want to make a bad situation worse, do we?  So I'm listening to him, but boy, it is hard.  Hard to make plans and be unable to do anything about them.  I mean what can be done now, I have done.  By the way, it is a business I'm trying to set up, so as far as business plans are concerned, I have done them, just to give me a rough idea of how much money I will need.  And the skills that need to be had, I've had them.  I'm just developping my product range, and waiting....  Waiting to pounce.  Because when I finally regularise my situation, I don't want to be dragging my feet. 

   Still, I can't help feeling depressed.  Or rather feel down, to use the correct term.  I don't have time to be depressed.  If I choose to go under the duvet now, I'm fucked.  Can't afford that.  So I'm up and about.  Husband and I are having a wonderful New Year - because one must do the best, regardless - cooking, eating, drinking, about to watch Quantum of Solace with friends in a little while.  I just need to psyche myself up and call my family.  I also need to pray that this will truly be a happy New Year.